Quarantine Karma

25.06.2025

I had about a month of being the happiest I have in a very long time, up until a couple of weeks ago when life has started feeling incredibly exhausting again. I am cripplingly aware of the fact I turn 27 years old in less than a month and that is completely terrifying to me. I know that’s a very normal feeling as you get older, but this one feels the most dramatic so far. I’ve never liked birthdays, even when I was turning 8 I cried myself to sleep.

Although I haven’t been doing a lot of blog writing lately, I have been writing a lot of poetry. I only tend to write when I’m sad or angry. I’m not sure why I want to share this one first, but its a poem I wrote during lockdown. I’m well aware that it was an extremely difficult time for the majority of people, but for me it was the happiest I had felt in years. I was carefree and young and in love. So here it is -

Quarantine Karma

16.04.2020 - Poppy Bell

Social distancing at its finest. Maybe I’m enjoying this a little too much. There’s a stillness arising in us now while the fields carry on but be careful or we’ll sink before too long.

It seems the world needed a little pausing. Deer are roaming and the tigers roar and soon they’ll think we’re healed. But don’t doubt she’s watching.

The sun sets in gold now and the pink moon rises through mars. I would sell my soul to buy you the stars.

We’re slow now, there’s more time to come. Keep me healthy with that daily dose of vitamin D in the green. I really think this is it and I hope you’ll agree.

Somehow day 23 and my obsession with your face hasn’t faded. But I’m hungry and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Maybe you’re bored already but the sun will rise and the trees will grow and here we’ll be. Its difficult to be annoyed at a face so pretty.

It seems the world may have gone mad, with cupboards full of pasta and loo roll they won’t use. But lightning shakes the box we live in until we think of more than just the news.

Next time I see you my hair will be longer and your clothes lighter. Bleach your roots bleach your jeans bleach the bathroom floor. At home workouts until your abs are sore.

I shared a secret with you then, while my heart was beating a little faster than usual. We won’t talk about it anymore. Not until the car ride home but it’s hard to remember where home is now.

There’s no one but mum to take a picture so we take shitty pictures of ourselves. What makes you think I want to see a photo of that in my space? I’ll walk my 5km until I forget your face.

Sitting on a dead tree makes you think a little. The cracking makes me think I might drop right through the middle. And in times like these we know that wouldn't make any difference. Being swallowed whole by the earth would add some interest to the ending. But in the background, she'll be waiting.

I think about the shapes in my cereal bowl too often. But really what the fuck else is there to do. Guess I have to warn you I might cry for a day too. You haven't changed much but sunsets are boring now and maybe your faces too.

I miss my friends and the city and the way you used to look at me. Your movements are becoming predictable now. I can see the words hours before you talk now.

Lock us up with inevitability. That feeling might rise for a quarantine killing. Just please make sure you wear a mask.

Will you leave me there or will you keep me if I rot? It's all just the same without us so don't believe anyone that tells you it's not.

Try not to fuck up this one. You might find a way out someday but trust that she'll be waiting whether you like it or not.